Caught in the Act
by Swamp Rat's Chere
Summary: A list of excuses as to why various X-men have been caught in each others rooms naked, feel free to send me ideas, I want to keep this one alive
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: I finally found this list, I think I might've had some input from Angryyungelf on this one, but only he knows for sure.

Disclaimer: the disclaimer has running screaming from the room.

Caught in the Act Explanations.

We were studying Biology

I was making a sculpture

Um, is there such a thing as consensual rape?

I saw Xavier do it.

I was doing a report on human anatomy.

But the wolves in the woods are allowed to

What can I say? Chicks did the furry dude!

There was a special about mammal mating on the Discovery Channel and … I had to do a little more um, research on the matter.

I wasn't having sex, only biting his neck, in the nude!

I'm drunk, and not responsible for what my hot body does.

I was posing for Piotr's painting.

But the movie stars are allowed to it.

My religious beliefs are that I have to be naked in the presence of a cute guy

I'm eighteen, and Scott's not objecting.

I'm high on kool-aid

Kitty said she'd make me eat her cooking if I didn't sleep with her.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: I found the second page of Explanations

The government made me do it, to create a super human child.

His what was where?! Oh my gosh, I didn't realize!! I thought sex was a fancy dessert!

We weren't having sex, we were making love.

I was only seeing which Summers brother was better in bed

The rules say, no girl and guy in the same bed, but we were in the shower

We were demonstrating an exotic dance for the video camera.

We're really clothed, our clothes are just invisible.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: thank you to everyone that's reviewed so far, and thank you to Miss Maia and Roguishcharm for these wonderful suggestions.

Disclaimer: I probably will never own the X-Men…no, wait, I'm still planning to take over Marvel. so maybe

I'm innocent…she just came at me like a wild animal!

Kurt's right, chicks do did the furry dude. (Beast)

I tried to resist, but she seduced me!

This is therapy to cope with my…um…self-esteem issues

Bobby bet me fifty bucks I couldn't screw her, he lost!

You see nothing… um, these aren't the droids you're looking for?

Can't talk about it, what happens in my room, stays in my room!

This isn't what it looks like! You see, Jean went all Phoenix and something happened to my clothes, and well, you try denying a cosmic entity and see what happens.

I was being mind controlled.

I was working on a new danger room simulation and it vaporized my clothes, then she appeared and it vaporized her clothes, and I think it's obvious what's going on.

Jubilee and I have a bet going about who's bigger, Bobby or Sam… she's with Sam!

Miss Maia

It was just a massage; I don't know where that moan came from

Just checking if all his body was furred

C'mon, I'm wearing socks!

We were experiencing the life like in the Eden Garden

What do you mean this is not the locker room?!

It wasn't sex, just a jeopardized exotic Asian dance

His codename is Multiple Man, why are you complaining that we're doing it with three of him?

I am old enough! And I hope she is too

Early morning exercise

Oh my, this is not my shower?!

He stole my clothes, damn Cajun thief

Jean and Scott can do it, I have the right.

Yeah, just not the age.

Piotr was teaching me Russian, that's why the yelling

I didn't answer before because we should never speak with our mouth full

roguishcharm

You won't believe this, but our clothes suddenly caught on fire, and after we took off our clothes she tripped, and luckily, I was there to break her fall.

I was showing her how to keep warm using body heat.

What do you mean he's not a doctor?!

We're practicing yoga.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: yet another chapter, thank you to all who reviewed and gave me suggestions

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men

I was being mind controlled

Um, you see, I wanted a baby…and this is the easiest way to get one

Bobby dared me to do it

I had to see if ALL of him was furry

We don't interrupt you while you're doing something important in your office

What happened to the "Don't ask, Don't tell" policy?

Blame the media!

I'm…um, really Mystique in disguise, so I'm an adult!

giftedgirl10592

Remy was touching my clothes...and they just kind of went ka-boom.

Starsinger

Oh, come on, his codename is Colossus. I wanted to see if he lived up

to his

name!

Miss Maia

It was truth or dare, I just chose dare.

It's called: "Naked Karate"ﾝ, Logan, you should try it.

If you look really close, she's wearing panties.

I can explain the pink thong.

Blame the aliens.

Thanks for showing your tattoo, Jean, now that Mr. Logan just got here, I must go.

Where are psychic powers when you need them?

I don't know where these condoms came from.

Kitty: Never heard about that game "the Kat eats the popsicle"?

Of course I intent to marry her, Sir.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's note: YAY, so many responses and suggestions, today we're thanking Author376 for suggestions

Disclaimer: Don't own the X-Men

I was suffering from heat stroke, luckily he was here to help me cool off by removing all my clothes

We're not the droids you're looking for

Um…oh shit!

If we let you join in, promise not to tell?

What happens in Drake's room stays in Drake's room?

Satan made me do it

They have sex in the Bible, it must be okay

We were playing "Who can scream the loudest while naked"

I was showing Scott what a real woman looks like

I was doing a survey on which girl in the mansion has the biggest breasts

Kitty phased out of her clothes, I was just helping her put them back on

Kitty's cooking made me do it

I had to see if he was a Beast in bed too

Pietro was bragging about being so fast, I was just trying to prove him wrong!

Author376

Kitty: I kinda phased out of my clothes, and, like, Piotr was loaning me his pants!

Remy: Ain't ya' never drawn even in Strip Poker?

What do you mean this isn't what the Danger Room was created for?!

Kurt: Well she wanted to learn gymnastics, and since I didn't have trapeze handy...

Piotr: She's not naked, it's art.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's note: YAY another chapter filled with my ideas and the ideas of my wonderful reviewers!

Disclaimer: I made X-Men Valentines, but Marvel owns the X-Men

I was helping him…um, shave his back

It's okay, we were using protection

We're ensuring the future of the mutant race

Well, the Apopcalypse thing got me thinking, and I decided I didn't want to die a virgin

It's not my fault its mutant mating season

I was hypnotized by Mesmero

We're not naked, you must be hallucinating. Did you drink that punch in the kitchen, because Kitty made it

This is all a dream, you see nothing, we're not here

Two words, subliminal messaging

You see, it all started with a bowl of strawberries, and you see, I'm allergic and the reaction caused my throat to start swelling, and he was just trying to keep me from suffocating by…yeah

We're re-enacting a scene from Romeo and Juliet

You can't prove we were doing anything

I heard having sex really helps with cramps

I was being possessed?

Wait, that's Rahne? I um, thought she was just a regular wolf

Kitty told me every part of him turns to steel, just hadda check for myself

Tabby's paying us, she's in the closet videotaping

I only have a few more months to live, and I want to die happy

We were just playing Twister

We're working, you can buy our DVD on our website, X-Girls Gone Wild dot com

roguishcharm

1. Yellin'? What yellin'? This is how we praise the lord in the south. Right Remy?

2. Well, at least Scott's not uptight anymore.

3. If you wanted to see me naked, all you had to do was ask.

4. We're just doing what the poster told us to do; Practice Safe Sex.

5. I'm a professional and I don't need assistance.

Author376

Illyana: What do you mean I can't? I was allowed to do it in Limbo!

Storm: I just get like this when it rains.

Remy: You mean that when you said "I want it hot an' Spicy Cajun style" you were ordering Buffalo wings? I'm so sorry Chere, it was an honest mistake,Right Logan?

Kitty: But it said in our Health book that this was where that went!


	7. Chapter 7

s ()

Dude, learn to knock.

I just got lucky with my older brother's girl. Take that four eyes!

Jean calm down! We were just practicing controlling her powers.

You're always telling me that I should do more to help people!

Hey Bobby, this is the new girl, Emma. What will it cost to keep Jean

from finding out about this?

w ()

You're just jelous. Face it: some of us have it and some of us don't.

So get lost slow-poke.

We're forming a mutant naturlist movement. Why else would there be six

of us in here? You're welcome to join.

Wow, this is a little embarrassing.

a ()

She's an assassin. She was tryin' to kill me? And it's ritualistic

for her to do it naked and cut m' clothes off first?

Why don' you practice de lock pickin' I taught you elsewhere? Dis door

was locked for a reason.

q ()

--

Well... you see... it's like this: Auntie O was telling us about her

days as a nudist and Amara and I thought we'd see if walking around naked would

make us feel more in tune with nature too, but after we took our clothes off

we didn't have the nerve to leave the bedroom.

Mutant pride man! I refuse to hide my furry blue self beneath

clothing! Oh, and Kitty refuses to remain tangible, which means that her clothes

won't stay on.

I was possessed by a powerful and evil cosmic force. It told me to

boink Scott and destroy the planet. I only had the strength to resist one of

its dictates. Would you have prefered me to destroy the planet? We just

finished saving it from Apopacalypse!

What, so you're not proud that I learned to control my powers? DON'T

KILL THE CAJUN!

Miss Maia

"Oh - mah' - Gahd!"

"No, Cherie, that's just my bo staff!"

"I can't belive you get turned on watching animal planet."

"Well... I date Ranhe."

I can explain!... Actually I can't, but please let me live! So I can do

this again!... ok... I should be running now, right Mr. Logan?

Logan: "What's goin' on here?!"

Scott: "Hey, turn off the light, I'm trying to sleep here!"

Logan: "Oh, sorry. I thought... well, never mind."

Five minutes later, a naked Jean popped out from under the covers.

Jean: "Think he saw me?"

Amara: "Well... I can explain why the bed is on fire."

Who would think it, she does has a white stripe there too! Now that

Remy already saw dat, he will leave now, right Mr. Logan?

Okay, there's my contribution to this update, oh, some of these come from Angryyungelf,

um, chronic amnesia, he's helping me remember who I am?

The devil made me do it

I'm just following the Bible, it says be fruitful and mulitply

We're not naked, we're wearing socks

We're not the droids you're looking for?

What are you two doing?  
The same thing you and Ms. Munroe were doing two nights ago.

Oh, um, carry on then, and don't mention that to Xavier.

He's a Jedi, he's just showing me his "lightsaber"

Toad: I was just eating all her fleas

Rahne: um, yeah

We were sleepwalking while both having very erotic dreams and they just happened to come true?

I plead the fifth

Whatever happened to the don't ask, don't tell policy

We honestly thought we wouldn't get caught in the air vents, seriosly, who checks up here?

Bobby was showing me how he can ice "an" part of his body

Um, insert random Colossus and body of steel joke here...

She was helping me keep warm.

When a hot naked girl phases through your ceiling, you don't ask questions.

I'm being mind controlled by aliens

She made me do it

You said no boys and girls in the same room. Amara and I are both girls.

You sunk my battleship


	8. Chapter 8

Author's note: Here's the latest chapter including reader ideas!

Hey! What happens in Middleverse stays in Middleverse!

Kitty was just proving she can phase out of anything

We were playing, um, doctor? Right Mr. McCoy?

Remy was just testing Roguey's powers to make sure, um,they worked?

She's paying me fifty dollars for this, I kinda need the money

It's um, just a popcicle, Bobby's keeping it frozen.

sexy.butterfly

i can't sleep with clothes on

oh mah gawd, i thought this was mah room

ugh, john and i were sparring and our clothes were caught on fire

whatever happens... don't try this at home

were practicing a new diet plan where you first evaluate you body to see

where your problem areas are, right Rogue?

BlazeStryker

Scon (Scott/jean): I'm taming the cosmic entity. I'M team leader in the

field!

Xavara (Xavier/amara): I was proving to the young lady that I am a full man

and that diplomatic immunity doesn't apply to her. Now help me undo those

knots.

Magen (Magneto/raven): I am seeking to increase our numbers. This one is a

proven breeder.

Wance (Wanda/lance): Primal scream therapy. Now get OUT, so he can make me

scream!

XxXFairyQueenXxX

Everyone kept saying Scott was uptight 'cause there was a stick up his , I

was just checking if it's true.

um...I fell

I'm practicing gymnastics

she was teaching me sex ed. since I was sick when they taught it in school.

um...I fell again.

What...where am I?, I must have been sleep-stripping


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Note: More excuses

Disclaimer: don't own the X-Men or Angryyungelf, thankfully

Hey! We're trying to shoot a James Bond movie here!

I was just seeing how flexable she is

Um, I have amnesia, she was helping me get my memory back

You see nothing, you hear nothing, we are not here, now move along

I have a terminal disease, he's trying to cure me

I'm under the imperious curse

Scott's paying us to distract you so you don't check on him and Jean

Angryyungelf

We're nudist

The hypnotoad told me to, must obey hypnotoad.

It's not what it looks like, wait, it probably is, but, here's five dollars

Bobby: We are not the droids you're looking for..

Amara: That hasn't worked the first five times, why would it work now?

According to rule 4500, paragraph 600, line 53X, we're entitled to do this eveyr time Scott says the word "car"

We're seeing if it's true that nine times out of ten the girl gets pregnant, it's not true by the way

BlazeStryker

Red Witch's Misfitverse (RW's Evoverse and G.I. JOE)

STORMWRECK (Ororo and Hector 'Shipwreck' Delgado)--"Well, of course we're  
drunk! And naked! Got news for you, Prof, that's how humans get along best,  
X-Gene or no! Shoo, we're just now co-existing, and it's been YEARS!"

Wonx (Wolverine and Jinx)--"We're sharing confidential information. Body  
language. And yeah, it's sex, that keeps the telepaths out."

Triple (Trinity and Multiple)--"HEELP! They're after me again!"


	10. Chapter 10

Author's note: These are thanks to yours truly... and angryyungelf.

Disclaimer: The disclaimer reeked of sulfur so Logan shredded it.

He was teaching me proper condom use...would you rather I learn it all from the streets?

Um...why are we naked? Good question, I think there might have been some alcohol involved? Other than that, your guess is as good as mine.

He started it by daring me to take off my shirt.

We're working on a play. Oh, which one? Um....Sex? Is that a play?

We ain't nothing but mammals so we're doing it like do on the Discovery channel...

I am not responsible for my actions during a full moon.

I was possessed by the ghost of Jean Grey? Oh, she's alive again? shit...

We were playing House, you know, the episode where the girl has a tick you know where?

I was not playing 'doctor' I am a doctor.

I accidentally phased out of my clothes again?

Bobby stole all my clothes and then Sam walked in...what was I supposed to do?

You see, I sold my first born for a concert ticket and I've got to make good on that promise?

The voices told me to do it.

Fairies mesmerized me into doing it.

I was repopulating the mutant race?

We are not the droids you're looking for...

We were trying something we read about in a fan fiction?

Monkeys made me do it

Friends of Humanity said they'd kill us if we didn't do it!

Scott and I are both adults....and we're allowed to have a private life!

We had to take off our clothes because they smelled like sulfur...and Kurt stole Logan's beer again.

It's only sex if we're enjoying it... we're not, we're making a documentary about what goes where.

We're re-enacting that one scene, from that one move, yeah, that one!

All the adult movie stars are doing it, and so are some of the teens.

TV has brainwashed me

Just think Prof, if you add your name to the label, you might get a slice of the profit.

It's not sex...it's love making...yeah


	11. Chapter 11

author's note: okay, another chap for this story, thanx King Hawke for the excuse, as you can see, it's here! Keep the ideas and reviews coming!

disclaimer: I don't wanna own the X-Men if they're doing this...

King Hawke

Bobby: my clothes come off when I turn my skin into ice and I fell off my ice  
slide and landed on kitty who phased out of her clothes to avoid hitting me.  
after that...it got so hot in here that the ice melted. that's what the liquid  
stuff is everywhere. it's a complete misunderstanding!

You mean, this isn't what we were assigned for homework in sex ed?

Okay, you see, this is what really happened. I caught Tabitha and Sam doing it, so I went to tell on them, but Tabitha blew up all my clothes while Sam laughed about it, so I walked over to show them a thing or two when I tripped on Tabitha's show and landed on top of Sam.... who was naked since he and Tabitha were doing it, so I'm not the one that should be in trouble!

We're celebrating independance day by being independant from our clothing

I was unwrapping my birthday presents and she was sitting by them so I thought she was a present to be unwrapped

One word...porn!

Okay, we were online looking up something totally innocent, like um rabbits, yeah, rabbits and we happened to stumble across a dirty web site, and next thing I know is we're naked, and you're walking in the door...

Scott: Emma was mentally controlling me?

Jean: Nice try Scott...

Emma: See, I told you no one would believe you Scott...(evil laugh)

We were exploring the many uses of duct tape

I was just eating a banana...a flesh colored banana

But they do it on Family Guy...

I wanted to see if God would really smite me for having unmarried sex...guess not...hmmm


End file.
